Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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