I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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