2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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