The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
