quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
