Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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