So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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