is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
