why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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