I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
