Redeem this text for a blowjob
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
