Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
