we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
