In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You ruined the universe
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
