Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
