You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
