im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
