Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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