oh god the rape fog is back!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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