i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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