D3 body, D1 cock
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
