Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
