We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
