I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she smelled like a LAN party
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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