Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
