Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
