He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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