I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
