Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
