Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this boner is exhausting
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
