She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
