who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Barsexuality is the new black.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
