dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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