Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
