I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
