I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
