I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
