I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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