I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
