Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
