Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
