God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
