It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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