party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
