I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
