I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
