Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
