alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
