I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
