my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
