That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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