p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
