in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
